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Elevate Your Inner Circle: You Become Who You Surround Yourself With

What is your vision for your life and your business? Is it something different or greater than what it looks like today? If you know that you want something greater, why haven’t you achieved it already? You’ve heard me say before, it’s likely something within you that’s holding you back. Today I want to look a little deeper into who you associate with and the impact they have on your success and happiness.

I tell my business coaching clients that if you want to be a high 6 or 7 figure business owner, think about how they act. Do they sit around and procrastinate? Do they put off the important things they know will make their business better? What things are on their calendar? Are they continually learning? Do they prioritize taking care of themselves? Do they say no to the things that don’t move them forward? Do they take risks & chances? Do they make time to relax and do the things they enjoy? Are they sleep deprived?

Much of how successful business owners act is learned behavior and is built on a foundation of good habits, good time management, and really knowing their purpose. How many of the things you do every day align with how you envision a successful person behaves? We emulate the behaviors, patterns, habits, and energy around us. Therefore, who you choose to spend time with is important.

Tony Robbins has said that “the only thing that will change your life, change your business, change your relationship, is that you must raise your standards”. The standards you have for yourself, your business, and the people you associate with must be high and continually elevating as you grow. Get rid of negative people who bring you down. Surround yourself with people who lift you up, lend you their knowledge and connections, and are strong enough to help you learn from your mistakes. Elevate your standards for what your inner circle must look like, act like, and provide.

The people you spend the most time with have a huge influence on your moods, the expectations and aspirations you have for yourself, and even how you view the world. When you surround yourself with positive people, you’re more likely to have a positive attitude, you feel empowered to dream and strive for more and you become the victor in your story seeing yourself in charge of your life instead of feeling like things happen to you. Just like you benefit when you surround yourself with positive people who make you happy, you suffer when those in your business or social circles are negative or narrow-minded. Choose who you associate with wisely.

Confucius referred to this idea back in the 6th century BC when he talked about the law of attraction. The law of attraction states that we bring in (or attract) whatever we focus on. The idea is that positive thoughts bring positive results and that negative thoughts bring negative results. We can attract through our energy people into our life. So ask yourself, what kind of energy am I putting out? This is likely who you are drawing into your circle. Now think about how that translates into who you surround yourself with. What is their energy? What are they attracting? Are they attracting the things you want in your life?

Confucius also wrote one of the first quotes about surrounding yourself with good people. He said, “if you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room.” He was extending the law of attraction to people. Think about how this shows up in your life, either in business, sports, or another skill. If you want to become better at something, you need to play or practice or learn from people who are already better than you. It means you have to be willing to be one of the worst in the room or on the field for a little bit. It means you have to practice and study and ask questions. It means you need to have the sorest muscles, fastest thinking, and get really good at the fundamentals in order to compete. This is how you elevate yourself, your expectations, and your standards.

You’ve likely heard some version of the Jim Rohn quote, “you’re the average of the five people you spend most of your time with”. The truth is, who you spend the most time with is who you eventually become. Their energy, their habits, their mindset transfer in part to you. To reach new heights of success, you must surround yourself with people who not only inspire you, but challenge you. It isn’t always easy, and sometimes it means you have to push relationships out of your core circle or walk away from them entirely. However, if you are committed to your goals, your vision, your purpose it will be worth it.

So what are some practical ways you can start elevating the standards of the people you are surrounded by?

1. Evaluate your current relationships - You need to know your starting point. Take a look at the people you engage with the most. Look at your recent calls, texts, emails or calendar if you need help. Then think about each of them. What kind of energy are they bringing? What can you learn from them? How do they support you? Think about how you feel after spending time with each person. If they aren’t making you better, you might want to reconsider how much time you continue investing in them. This doesn’t mean I’m telling you to ditch all the people you love. Your relationships, just like everything in your life, to be reassessed from time to time to ensure they are still working for you. The people you surround yourself with should bring out the best in you. If they are bringing out the worst in you, then that is a serious red flag that the relationship doesn’t fit in your life. You need people that have the courage to tell you when you’re off track. The people who care enough to have those difficult conversations that most people will avoid. You can love on anyone you want, but be choosy in who you let into your immediate circle.

2. Minimize the negative – In the world there are people who are victors and others who are victims. Eliminate the victims. Determine which people in your life are constantly in turmoil or always have serious drama. The ones who will never manage to elevate themselves and try to bring you down with them. Let go of negative relationships and people, so that you have room to focus on the positive ones. If you feel drained, defeated or agitated after spending time with someone, it’s probably a sign they aren’t good for you.

3. Maximize the positive - Bring more victors into your circle. The people who are positive and striving for more, the ones who set big goals and take responsibility for their actions. By actively choosing to surround yourself with people who make you happy and who share your ambitions, it elevates the standard of what you expect for your business and your life.

4. Elevate the room you’re in – You can’t elevate yourself if you're always the smartest person. If you want to accelerate your success, it’s important to surround yourself with people you can learn from. We all need coaches, teachers, mentors, family and trusted friends who challenge us and push us to be better. The right circle of influence raises the bar, helping us to set higher expectations of ourselves. You can elevate your circle by joining a mastermind group or finding people who are already getting the results you want. They have a strategy for success, whether they know it or not, and by spending time with them you can learn from their successes and failures, observe their habits, understand how they build networks, and determine how you can create similar strategies in your life and business.

5. Get outside of your comfort zone - To surround yourself with people who will take you to the next level, you need to spend time where they are. Ambitious and successful people attend seminars and workshops that cause them to stretch themselves and open their minds to new possibilities. They expose themselves to people with different perspectives and continually push themselves out of their comfort zones. Remember, all growth starts at the end of your comfort zone.

6. Be a student of success – Online you are often seeing someone’s “highlight reel” and it likely does not truly show you what goes on behind the scenes and how much work it really required. If you can gain access, spend the time talking with people you admire about their process of achieving success (not just the results). However, sometimes we can’t get that close. In that case, become a consumer of their media. Listen to their podcasts, read their books, watch their interviews. Take them along on your daily workout or commute and soak up their tips, tricks, and knowledge.

If you want something that you don’t have, whether its success, happiness, or positivity, then you need to do something that you aren’t currently doing. Whatever you want in your life you can have, but you need to believe that you deserve it and you need people around you who believe you deserve it too. You need to be willing to change and change may need to start with who you surround yourself with.

You need to be willing to continuously work on improving the person that you are, challenge yourself to break out of your comfort zone, and surround yourself with the people who are going to bring out the best in you as they lift you up.

So the next time you question your path to success, take a look at the people around you. Remember, you are who you surround yourself with, so stop wasting your time and energy on people who bring you down. Take all that focus and transfer it to achieving your goals and making the space for the people who are positive, smart, and supportive.

If you found this valuable and would like some help creating your right circle of influence, I want to invite you to schedule a complementary business brainstorm session with me. It’s a quick call that will take 15 minutes. We’ll take a look at who you surround yourself with and see how you can elevate your own standards and expectations. You can book it right to my calendar at empoweredleadershipcoach.com/schedule.